Dr. Wendy After Dark

Dr. Wendy After Dark

Listen to Dr. Wendy Walsh on Sundays from 7 PM to 9 PM on KFI AM 640.Full Bio


What NOT to DO if You Have Been Cheated On

Mistrust and cheat problems. Annoyed couple is ignoring each other, but spy each other secretly, they stand on pure background in casual shirts

Photo: Deagreez / iStock / Getty Images

Facts about cheating!

-54% of monogamous adults have experienced cheating

- Sense of betrayal, loss, jealousy, sadness, rage, insecurity, mistrust of future relationships

- Some couples say that infidelity was a gift. They built intimacy through forgiveness. But it makes it harder to do if you do any of the following things:

1. Don’t hurt yourself with more nitty-gritty detail: Who, how, when, where. Instead focus on the “why.” – What part of you were you chasing? What were you hoping to find that doesn’t exist in our relationship? How do you see our future now? If they can’t have constructive communication about this, you have lost your intimate bond (or you never had it)

2. Don’t Retaliate. Retribution sex only makes things worse. And now there are two affairs to recover from.

3. Don’t Process on Social Media! Publicly shaming your partner make reconciliation and healing very difficult.

4. Don’t process with single friends who do not support your relationship. These people have a vested interest in your break-up.

5. Don’t forget to grieve. This is the death of your old relationship is here. The birth of a new way of relating is coming. But not if you are constantly pining for what was.

6. Don’t Believe That All is Lost. Once-cheater-always-a-cheater is a stereotype.

7. Don’t think you are stupid for staying to do the work. If you are doing the right things to rebuild the relationship, ending the affair, seeking couples therapy, and setting boundaries, then you aren’t stupid.

8. Don’t mis-Understand forgiveness. It isn’t about forgetting and pretending it didn’t happen. It’s about understanding the vulnerabilities in your relationship and making changes together to avoid those vulnerable situations. It is about letting go of resentment.

9. Don’t forget to build as new house.

For more information check out Very Well Mind.

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