The 10 Best Florida Man Stories of 2019

Ahh, Florida Man... Where would news outlets like ours be without your wacky (and occasionally disturbing) adventures? In fact, 2019 was a banner year for Florida man, with residents in the state doing their best to uphold its reputation for oddball stories.

Thanks to Florida's wide-open Government laws (and the fact it's the nation's third largest state by population), all government records, including photos and videos produced by a public agency, must be easily acceptable by the public (there are a few narrow exceptions to this law). The Government in the Sunshine Act passed in 1967, is largely responsible for the widely-published photos of people who do crazy things.

#10 - Florida Teen Arrested After Allegedly Trying to Hire Hitman

Florida Man isn't always a man - in fact, several 18-year-old Floridians made the list this year, including Nicolas Godfrey, who was charged with a first-degree attempt to solicit the murder of a staff member at the high school he attended back in November.

"That person he tried to kill was a member of the Fivay staff," Sheriff Nocco said during a press conference about the case. "You threaten a member of the school district who is out there trying to do their job, to educate children ... we're going to track you down."

Even if the teenager had no intention of actually hiring the hitman, the threat itself is a serious crime, Nocco said.

#9 - Cops Tell Florida Man To Stop Calling 911 About His Stolen Weed

One Florida man in October had to be paid a visit by cops after he kept calling 911 to report that his roommate had stolen his weed. Police in Pasco County said they had to dispatch an officer to the man's home and let him know that recovering illegal drugs (as marijuana is in Florida), probably isn't the best use of the department's time.

According to a follow-up tweet from the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, Deputy Zalva said the man started to 'freak out' a bit after Zalva contacted the insistent 911 caller.

"Going back to the guy calling in to report his drugs stolen, I called to let him know not to call the sheriff's office and report his drugs. He started to freak out a little bit on the phone and then hung up on me shortly after, so..." Zalva says with a grin.

#8 - Raccoon in Florida Goes on Wild 16-Mile Ride on Top of Wonder Bread Truck

Sometimes Florida man isn't a human being at all. Florida man can also be like this raccoon, who went on a wild 16-mile ride on top of a Wonder Bread Truck back in September.

The driver sounded the alarm with authorities once he realized his truck had a stowaway and sounded worried about the raccoon in audio of the 911 call released by WBBH-TV.

• Dispatcher: "911, what is your emergency?"
• Driver: "Yeah, I didn't know who to call, but I have a raccoon on top of my bread truck....and everyone has been beeping me on the street telling me, you got something up there!"
• Driver: "I got out of the truck and I look up and there's a raccoon up there."
• Driver: "He's scared. I didn't know who to call."
• Dispatcher: "All right, we'll go ahead and get someone out there to help you, OK?"
• Driver: "OK, you're the best. Thank you."

#7 - Florida Man Holds Furniture Delivery Crew at Gunpoint After Arriving Late

Some Florida men are impatient, like this man who became upset after his furniture delivery he'd been waiting for was delivered late. Mitchell Helton, 55, is accused of pointing a gun at the crew while they unloaded furniture Helton ordered from Furniture Warehouse at his house last August, the Bradenton Heald reported. Deputies with the Manatee County Sheriff's Office say the delivery men notified Helton they were on their way and when they arrived, found the front door to Helton's house ajar.

The delivery men called out, letting Helton know they'd arrived with his order, to which he replied, complaining about how late the delivery crew had been. After disappearing back in the house, Helton re-emerged from the house with a gun in his hand, pointing it at the two men.

The two delivery drivers were unimpressed by the gun and Helton's anger and "dismissed his action as a shot of anger toward the late delivery."

#6 - Five Guys Fistfight Ends With Arrests of Five Florida Guys

A fistfight involving five guys at a Florida Five Guys Burger and Fries restaurant ended with all five guys under arrest and facing misdemeanor charges.

"Three juvenile males and two adult males were charged with affray and processed at the Martin County Jail," the department wrote in its Facebook post. Florida law states that an affray is a first degree misdemeanor charge in which two or more people are fighting in a public place and disturbing the peace.

One woman who witnessed the incident told authorities that one of the men arrested had been "talking s***" to another one. At one point, a cup was thrown at another one of the individuals fighting and the door to the restaurant was slammed into another person's face. That's when the "all-out brawl" occurred, according to an arrest report.

#5 - Florida Man Allegedly Chops Off Penis of Wife's Lover

Florida man can be a jealous man on occasion. In July, Alex Bonilla, 49, was arrested after one of his neighbors informed deputies that Bonilla had tied him up at gunpoint and used a pair of scissors to remove his penis. Bonilla then allegedly fled the victim's home still holding the severed organ, the neighbor said.

The victim, who was not identified by police, told authorities that Bonilla had come over to his house, threatening to kill him using a handgun if he resisted. Bonilla then forced the victim upstairs to his bedroom and tied down by Bonilla before having his penis severed with a pair of scissors. According to the police report, Bonilla had caught the neighbor and his wife having sex in Bonilla's home last May.

#4 - Florida Man Robs Wendy's After Grilling Himself A Burger, Police Say

A modern-day 'Hamburglar' was caught on camera making himself a burger while allegedly burglarizing a Florida Wendy's.

Patrick Benson, 34, was arrested in July by the Martin County Sheriff's Office after security footage at the Jensen Beach fast-food location appeared to catch him cooking up a burger before walking off with the store's safe.

According to a release from the sheriff's office, Benson gained access to the restaurant by breaking the window of the Wendy's using a brick or large rock after the location closed for the night. Once inside, Benson went to the back of the restaurant to fire up the grill and make himself a burger. Once he was finished eating, he grabbed the restaurant's safe and left.

#3 - Florida Man Receives Parking Ticket 7 Years Later

Not all Florida Man stories are about crimes and oddball behavior. Occasionally, we learn some of the city and county governments in Florida, are a culmination of all the Floirda men and women who work there. For example, Tampa, Florida, which this year decided to begin reviewing any unpaid citations in their system – no matter how old they turned out to be.

Joe Reeser told WFLA that he was shocked to receive a bill from the city for a citation that was dated more than 7 years ago.

“I don’t really know if this is a real ticket, if I ever paid the ticket, if I ever got the ticket,” Reeser told the outlet.

Reeser says when he attempted to call the city's parking enforcement department, he learned that his name had been flagged in the system for failing to paying the citation that was 87 months old. The city said that they'd changed its citation system and was reviewing unpaid citations.

#2 - Florida Man Disguised as Spider-Man Steals Liquor and Cigarettes

A Florida man was arrested in January after robbing a liquor store using a Spider-Man mask as a disguise, police said.

The Seminole County Sheriff's Office said a man was spotted forcing his way into a Winn-Dixie Wine and Spirits Store in Casselberry, Florida on Jan 2nd. Deputies said the suspicious Spider-Man got away with nearly $150 in liquor and $420 in Newport Cigarettes, but not before the superhero gave his secret identity away to cops.

“There’s a line in the Spider-Man theme song, he ‘catches thieves, just like flies.’ In this commercial burglary video, you’ll see Spider-Man himself is the thief, who managed to get himself caught, by appearing on surveillance video UNMASKED,” the sheriff’s office wrote in a Facebook post.

#1 - Florida Man Says 'Jesus Told Me To" After Driving Ferrari Into Water

Palm Beach Police say a man who who drove a Ferrari into the Palm Beach Inlet last January did so because he claimed "Jesus told me to..." 

James Mucciaccio, 48, was removing items from his Ferrari while parked on a public dock when an officer approached him, asking what he was doing. He told the officer that a friend of his told him to park on the dock so he could be picked up by boat. 

When the officer told him he couldn't park there, Mucciaccio apologized, and retreated to the vehicle to retrieve his driver's license. 

In dash cam video of the incident, Mucciaccio can be seen getting into his car, reversing briefly, until he puts the sports car into drive and hits the gas, sending the vehicle into the water. 

Honorable Mentions:

Photos: Pasco County Sheriff's Office, Getty Images, GoFundMe, Manatee County Sheriff's Office, Stuart Police Department, Gilchrist County Sheriff's Office, Martin County Sheriff's Department,