Here we go again. It's that time of year when sadistic office managers foist upon their minions the despicable practice of the white elephant gift exchange. And once again, you will dutifully buy some cheap piece of junk, wrap it with a lackadaisical air, and throw it onto the lunch room table for someone else to deal with.
For you see, the origin of this fiendish holiday tradition is rooted in BEING A JERK ON PURPOSE. Oh so long ago, when certain kings in Asia were angry at a subject, they would "gift" them a rare albino elephant (which was an expensive pain in the butt to keep). Damn, dude, just cut my head off!
That sour attitude persists to this day, as most people in a survey by E-commerce leader Wish said they would like to bring a gag gift to a white elephant exchange, but would prefer to receive a useful household item. What a bunch of hypocritical louses!
Let's not forget that a major component of white elephant exchanges is Santa Sanctioned Larceny, as you can steal a gift from someone else. REPEATEDLY!
Despite all this, people will be eagerly participating again this year. In fact, the Wish survey revealed that the number of people who have played this atrocious activity has more than doubled in recent years. Hope you enjoy your Fart In a Can or penis shaped lollipop, losers!