Caviar instead of Twizzlers?

Caviar instead of twizzlers

I don’t see movies in theatres much anymore. For one thing, there just aren’t that many new releases that seem worthy of putting on clothes, driving to the theatre, parking, and then listening to people loudly munch popcorn for two hours.

Obviously, seeing a film on a big screen in a dark auditorium with precisely tuned sound is the best way to enjoy the cinematic arts. The downside, of course, is that they let ANYONE in there: Smelly folks, constant texters, gregarious children, and 6’5” guys in hats that sit right in front of me.

If you want to view a film in solitude, you can wait until a movie is available on demand for streaming, or you can do this:

Rent a new release in the privacy of your home (or probably mansion/penthouse/luxury yacht)!

A company called Red Carpet Cinema will do that for you, but it’s gonna cost A LOT! To get access to a new release, and be allowed two viewings over a 36 hour period. you’ll shell out around $3,000. That’s after you have connected their special hardware box to your home theatre system at a price of $15,000. And don’t even think about trying this unless you have a credit card limit of at least $50,000, because if you don’t, they won’t deal with you at all.

This was tried before by a company called Screening Room, which failed spectacularly. Red Carpet Cinema, however, is different: they aren’t looking to get a bunch of customers. The founder, Fred Rosen, has said that they only need about 3,500 customers to be viable. According to Social Security Administration data, there are almost 50,000 people in the U.S. who earn more than $2,000,000 a year. So if Red Carpet Cinema can get a small portion of those folks, they will thrive. While I sit in bed catching up on last year’s Oscar nominees on an iPad while eating generic brand pretzels.

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