(John Wayne Kellerman - GARFIELD COUNTY SHERIFF)
John Wayne Kellerman was busted for going 57 mph in a 45 mph zone in Garland County, Oklahoma. When the officer approached Kellerman, he saw something incredibly bizarre.
Deputy Daryl Beebe found a nearly-naked Kellerman sitting in the driver's seat, wearing only a bikini thong to cover his genitals.
Kellerman had also slathered Vaseline on his hands and on the upper and lower parts of his body. He admitted to the officer that he had been masturbating while he was driving.
The lubed up man offered Beebe a rag to wipe the Vaseline off of the ID card. Beebe's report continues:
"He refused Kellerman's 'semen rag' and returned to his patrol car."
Kellerman's license hadn't been valid since 1985, and spent much of the last 27 years in prison for domestic assault, auto theft, and possession of narcotics.
He was arraigned for speeding and driving with a revoked license, and has been freed on $1,000 bond. The police sergeant who completed a car inventory was advised "that the driver's area in the vehicle was extremely greasy due to the Vaseline."