Bill's Meatloaf Madness!

Items needed:

-- 2-5 lbs of ground beef….15-20% fat
-- Bulls-Eye BBQ sauce traditional flavor (amount you need will vary)
-- Italian style bread crumbs
-- 2-3 cloves of fresh garlic  (also varies depending on how much you like)
-- ½ cup (at least) of chopped onion (varies depending on how much you like)
-- salt
-- pepper
--  *optional* you can also use an egg or two as a binder


1.  Call local, fancy, overpriced grocery store to order ingredients and have them deliver them directly to your home



When delivery person arrives, have maid answer door and instruct him to place items on massive kitchen counter

Don’t tip delivery person since the over priced grocery store already screwed you with their high prices

Combine meat, salt, pepper, onion and garlic in large, expensive, handmade mixing bowl made by several poor children in the Philippines that received 2 cents an hour for their labor.

5.  Summon

Have maid mix ingredients with hands until well blended

7.  Instruct
maid return to her other duties

Add BBQ sauce, approximately one glub* per pound

*According to Bill, a ‘glub’ is the sound the bottle makes when you turn in upside down to squeeze.  According to the size and strength of your hand, the amount of ‘glub’ will vary.  So, if you’re a sasquatch you’ll end up with the whole bottle in the recipe at once…so beware!

Once BBQ sauce is added, summon maid again

Have maid mix ingredients until you have a sloppy, disgusting mess  (you can add eggs here if you so choose)

Slowly add bread crumbs and mix until it’s not a sloppy, disgusting mess anymore

Remove from bowl and place into shallow baking pan (you don’t need to use a loaf pan!)

Form into a single loaf or multiple loaves about 8-10 inches long, 6 inches wide and 4-5 inches high

Bake at 350 degrees for at least 1 hour 15 minutes or until cooked through


Handel's Simply Scrumptious Sugar Snap Peas

Items needed:

**sugar snap peas

**olive oil
**Italian style bread crumbs


1)  Drive home to expensive mansion in nice part of town, greet guard at guard gate

2)  Heat olive oil in expensive Platinum Cookware pan

3)  Add washed sugar snap peas

4)  Saute until al dente...then turn the heat off

5)  Take Italian style bread crumbs and generously sprinkle over sugar snap peas

6)  Place on dish and serve!

7)  Yell across 20 person kitchen table to force non-veggie eating kids to eat veggies, if not, take away their BMW's and iPhones.

8)  Leave dishes for ungrateful children or the maid to clean.