Your Child Has Come Out as Trans. What To Do.

Photo: Nicky Ebbage / iStock / Getty Images

Gender dysphoria is the psychological distress or discomfort that arises when a person’s gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. It can involve feelings of anxiety, depression, or dissatisfaction with one's body and social role, often leading individuals to seek alignment through gender-affirming measures such as clothing, pronouns, hormones, or surgery. When a child or teen comes out as transgender, it’s important for parents to respond with love, support, and care. This is a crucial moment in the child’s life, and how parents react can significantly impact the child’s mental health, self-esteem, and relationship with their family. Here are some thoughtful steps parents can take:

1. Start with Love and Affirmation- Thank them for trusting you. Express unconditional love: Assure them that your love for them does not change. Say something like: “I love you no matter what. I’m so glad you felt comfortable telling me.”

2. Listen Without Judgment - Avoid interrupting or reacting impulsively. Ask open-ended questions if the child is open to sharing, such as:

o “How long have you known?”

o “What name or pronouns do you want me to use?”

o “How can I support you?”

• Say, “I don’t know everything, but I’m here to learn with you.”

3. Educate Yourself about Gender Identity - Learn about the experiences of transgender people, gender dysphoria, and the challenges trans youth face. • Seek out books, documentaries, websites, and local resources (e.g., PFLAG or The Trevor Project) to better understand what your child might be going through.

4. Monitor and Support Mental Health - Many trans youth experience anxiety, depression, or rejection. - Consider finding a gender-affirming therapist if the child expresses any emotional struggles or if professional guidance feels helpful for the family.

5. Be an Advocate at School and in Social Settings - Ask your child how they want to handle their identity at school. Do they want to be called by their chosen name? Would they like you to talk to teachers or administrators on their behalf? - Support them in social situations by correcting others who misgender them (when appropriate) and standing up for them if they encounter discrimination.

6. Stay Flexible and Open to Change

• Your child’s identity might evolve over time, and that’s okay. They may try different names or pronouns or change how they want to present themselves.

• Support exploration by allowing them to try different clothes, hairstyles, or hobbies that align with their gender


View Full Site