Five components of real love are: attraction, connection, trust, respect & reciprocation
- may focus on ownership of a partner, rather than seeing them as an equal.
- the focus is on receiving love, rather than giving love.
- Is filled with distrust: may link to depression, anxiety, and violence in a relationship.
- It may sometimes involve a relationship that does not actually exist, such as with a celebrity or a stranger.
- Erotomania is a psychiatric disorder in which a person has a delusional belief that a person of higher social status than them is in love with them.
Signs That’s It’s an Obsession:
1. It moved too fast
2. It involved lots of early love bombing
3. There is an element of control (late night texts to make sure you are alone)
4. You use location services on each other’s phones
5. Too much online likes and comments
6. Neglecting of family and friends for the relationship
7. You focus on mistrust rather than peace and security.
How to Stop Obsessing About Love
1. Ignore the Halo Effect and the Confirmation Bias – Look for all the bad things about them. (I had to recognize that his inconsistent phone calls were deliberately hurting me)
2. Form your own opinions. Don’t let them define you. (I did not have sex like a man)
3. Get a support system (friends can help you think clearly)
4. Go No Contact – You need distance to get perspective
5. Change your schedule, your route, and your restaurants
6. Trace the real source of your obsession (Daddy issues?)
7. Find something new to focus on. Take up a hobby.
8. Get into therapy
Obsessions can be triggered by unrequited love. Obsessive love can have many causes, but being in a relationship with someone who does not reciprocate your feelings is very unhealthy.