Are you worried about your relationship? Do you wonder if you’re putting more into it than what you’re getting out of it? Dr. Wendy Walsh is here with some advice on how you can spot whether or not the person you love is right for you.
Let’s be honest: there are a lot of lucky people in America who have what’s called a “Secure Attachment Style.” These lucky folks were raised in a loving home where they learned important lessons about relationships how to give and receive care in their relationships. That’s about 30-40% of the population, and when two people like that match up, they generally stay together for a long time and build healthy families.
But for the rest of us, anxieties and fears about relationships can put people into less than ideal situations.
So what are the five signs that the person you love isn’t the person for you?
You don’t have any trust
Some people believe jealousy in relationships means the partner cares. That, if a partner is jealous, or if you feel jealous, then that must mean that person must really care!
Nope, jealousy is a fear of abandonment. When a person is jealous, you’re vigilantly worrying that you’re going to lose that person. That’s not a sign that your significant other is valuable to you, it’s a sign of insecurity.
If there isn’t any trust in the relationship, then it’ll never last in the long run.
Your partner makes you feel small and unworthy through unnecessary criticism
Are you with someone that goes out of their way to criticize you? Do they make you feel small and unworthy whenever you accomplish something? That’s unhealthy and isn’t a good sign for your relationship.
Good relationships feature partners who build each other up. They’re each other’s cheerleader! They have a positive bias toward each other. If you’re constantly thinking that “oh hey, I should change this, or that,” and that’s what will make your partner love you, then that’s not healthy.
You can’t picture a future with this person
If you can’t picture a future beyond what movie you’re renting on Friday nights, then that’s a huge sign that the person you love isn’t the right one for you.
Relationships are meant to move forward. You go from meeting>Dating>living together>getting married. If you already know this relationship isn’t going anywhere, then don’t waste each other’s time. Just move on.
You feel sad all the time
Now, no one expects you to be in a super, happy, perfect mood all the time. Dr. Wendy talks a lot about the warm fuzzies and cold prickleys, that come with every relationship. But, if there are too many cold prickleys, then that’s not love.
That’s anxious attachment and it’s not good for you. That’s not healthy. You should choose someone who can help you feel strong, safe and secure in your relationship.
They don’t have the ability to make you feel better after a bad day
The most important part of any relationship is the exchange of care – and emotional care is crucial to any successful relationship.
So if you’ve had a really rotten day and you know it’s useless to reach out to your partner for comfort or care, that’s a big sign that the person you love isn’t the right one for you.