Nine Life Lessons That We've Learned From The News


With everything that's going through the news right now, we've decided that Nine News Nuggets You Need To Know needed a little twist. So, this week, we bring you Nine Life Lessons That We've Learned From The News.

Honorable Mention - Don't urinate on a teenager and record it on video (or any other sexual activity).

9 - If your net worth is over $1 billion, order from a hooker service. Don't go to a strip mall massage parlor.

8 - If you want attention, work harder. Don't stage a hate crime.

7 - Do not keep your kids in cages. Do not chain them up. Let them eat. Take them to the dentist.

6 - If you've committed a rape or murder in the last five decades, get ready to get caught.

5 - If you're going to admit to smoking pot in college, don't say it's because of your Jamaican heritage.

4 - If you find yourself in front of a federal judge, don't post a picture of them with crosshairs in the image.

3 - Do not remove any article of clothing while on a flight. Ever.

2 - If you want any rights in America, do not travel to Syria and marry an ISIS member.

1 - Never, under any circumstances, have sexual relations with your roommate's sister's baby daddy.


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