(Duane Arden Johnson - Courtesy of Brown County Sheriff's Office)
Before we get started, can we just stop and note that this picture makes it looks like this guy's face is on the back of his head?
It's like a Voldemort coming out of the back of Professor Quirrell's head kind-of-thing.
In light of that creepiness, Duane Arden Johnson is in the news after calling the police to report a dead body.
That dead body was his wife, Debra Lynn.
According to Johnson, his wife had been in a nursing home, but she begged him to bring her home. He says she also stopped taking a variety of her prescribed medications, which included anti-psychotic medication.
Once home, the couple took meth together as they had sex to the sultry tunes of Quiet Riot.
Debra Lynn then started having convulsions, but Johnson says that she would not let him call for help.
After she had died, Johnson washed her body and wrapped her up in a sheet "like the Bible told me to."
When the police got to their home, Johnson ran out to speak to them.
He then proceeded to run back inside to take a bath. (Because drugs.)
According to The Sun , Johnson was arrested on suspicion of criminal neglect.
Seriously? Just criminal neglect? I feel like there had to be a couple others things they could have arrested this deranged Death Eater for.