(Amanda Peters - Courtesy of Madison County Detention Center & Eric Antunes - Courtesy of Pinellas County Sheriff's Office)
Somehow it is less disgusting than the other story I have to tell you about, so I'm going to start off with the story of Amanda Peters.
Peters was arrested over the weekend for resisting arrest and third-degree assault of a police officer.
What went down?
Well, it all started when a police officer attempted to apprehend Peters for an outstanding warrant.
Peters, who is just 26 YEARS OLD (HOW?!?!?), responded by locking herself in a bathroom. Then, according to WLEX18, she “intentionally released her bowels in an upward motion and with purposeful direction at this Deputy — causing said bodily waste to land on the face, arms and legs of this Deputy.”
How does that even happen?
Can she just poop on command??
Does she just walk around with one in the chamber???
I'd say I want an explanation, but I know I don't want to know.
You know what else I didn't want to know?
I didn't want to know about Eric Antunes' relationship with his girlfriend's dog.
Antunes was originally being investigated for possessing child pornography, which investigators did find.
During their investigation, authorities also found pictures of Antunes engaged in sexual acts with his girlfriend's three-legged pitbull mix.
And we're not talking about the old movie prank where a guy puts peanut butter on his privates and enjoys the experience.
Nope, this guy turned that plan on its head.
The pictures show Antunes performing oral sex on the dog.
(I told you the first story was less disgusting.)
Somehow this isn't against the law. A loophole in the bestiality law doesn't cover oral sex.
Rick Chaboudy, executive director of the Suncoast Animal League, told the Tampa Bay Times that this needs to change.
"We need to close up this loose loophole. This is one of those crimes that you can't possibly imagine that it goes on, but I'm sure at one point in time, somebody said the same thing about child pornography."
What is happening to this world?